found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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