Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
