i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize