1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
