I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
