I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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