Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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