god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
