I puked a lego.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
