I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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