I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
