I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
