You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
