So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
