I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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