the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
