Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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