ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
