Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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