were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
