shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My brain says no but my pants say off.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
