no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
