Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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