This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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