So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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