If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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