actually, I'm a sock model
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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