We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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