oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
handjob tips. give me some.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
