Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
