So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
