Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
