oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
