Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Randomize
