I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
