My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
