there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize