I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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