you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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