Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
