Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
