he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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