My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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