Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
