He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
