I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
