Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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