GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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