dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
