Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
