as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
