just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
