Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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