Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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