I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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