I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
