You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
