Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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