he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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