I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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