Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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