I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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