these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize