Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
