Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
