Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
