My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Less talking, more tequila
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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