at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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